Monday, March 30, 2009

Houston, We have a problem!

As you all know, Aaron is close to being done with a counseling degree. He really enjoys it and I think he is going to make an outstanding counselor some day. A couple of semesters ago he had a class on human sexuality. They talked about ALL KINDS OF STUFF but one thing we were able to learn and use right away was when talking with your kids about their "private parts" you should use the technical terms. So we do that. Apparently we don't do it enough. These two conversations happened within the last week:

Ainsley was sitting in my lap and kept (is kept a word? all of a sudden it looks like something i just made up. ) scratching her bottom.

Me: Ainsley what in the world is wrong?

Ainsley: Nothing. I'm just scratchin' my face.


Abbey actually pooped in the potty today. She also needed to pee but for some unknown reason she can not poop and pee in the same water. That is another blog completely...Anyway, so i flush the poop while she is sitting on the potty and she starts laughing and says "That water splashed me in the nose."

I don't even have anything clever to say about this.

And while i'm at it here are pictures of the snow we had a couple of days ago. I wasn't able to take to many pictures because it was really coming down and my camera was getting soaked.
Love ya'll, Aud

I'm learning that when i say "I will never" it can be tranlsated "I most certainly will"...

Case in point...


A loooong time ago I was watching this show on discovery (or one of those channels) about this woman and her dogs. She had these huge St. Bernard's (which I love) (almost as much as I love parentheses) and they were doing an interview in her house. While they were talking to her they were showing some footage of the dogs laying around with her in the house. I noticed that she had dark green carpet. I also notice that massive dog hair tumbleweeds keep rolling across the green carpet. I am disgusted. This is what I say to myself. "When I have big dogs in my house I will NEVER have dog hair tumbleweeds. I mean does that woman not own a vacuum?!?"


I noticed this on the bathroom floor today. Now this is not the first time I have seen dog hair in my house. I do try to keep it under control but people it is like a stinking full time job. And every time I see it I think of that poor woman who I judged. So when I saw this today and thought of dog hair tumbleweed lady again, I thought, Hmmm, maybe God has been trying to tell me something about being critical and judgmental. So, in a effort to humble myself and make it right with dog hair tumbleweed lady, I am posting a picture of my very own dog hair tumbleweeds for the world to see.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Even princesses have bad hair days...

Does anyone else ever get tired of feeling like you have to have it together all the time? I know I feel that pressure alot around here and I get so dang tired of it. I'm in a Beth Moore study right now (i know, isn't everybody?) on Esther and it is fantastic and a gift from above. She said something last night that i had to share with my ladies because I know we all feel inadequate in some way at some time. Beth said that she has these three verses written on a notecard faceup on her desk where she sees them everyday. Here they are:

Col 2:10 And you are complete in him, who is the head of all rule and authority.

SoS 7:10 I am my beloved's, and he longs for me.

Psalm 90:17 And let the beauty of the LORD our God be on us.

I don't know about ya'll but I love this reassurance from my Lord that he makes me complete, I don't need anything else. And that the "beauty of the Lord is on me". Now that gives me confidence. The Lord's beauty is eternal while this earthly "beauty" is getting gray hair and having to wax in places i don't care to mention, and wearing out that leg press machine at the gym trying to keep my hiney from going any further south (and ya'll i'm getting real here) tries to convince aaron every year that our tax return should be used to get me some boobs. Thank you Lord for allowing me to share in your beauty!

I hope you girlies can get some encouragement from Beth's words as well, because hey, even princesses have bad hair days :). I know I will probably be reading them everyday....................................twice..........................................ok, maybe three times.

A note on the picture of Ariel...Aaron was in the bathroom helping abbey potty and I heard abbey saying "I don't like thaaaaaaaaaat. I don't like thaaaaaat." They came out and aaron showed me what she was upset about. It was the Ariel doll without her hair. So being the super mom I am I just glued her right back together and set her on the counter to dry. Four or five hours later I came back to check her. She seemed fine so I said "Hey girls! It looks like Ariel is back in the game!" I don't know what came over me at that moment but I decided to throw ariel from the kitchen to the living room. She left my hand and shot straight into the ceiling in the kitchen. Her hair fell off again right there in front of the girls. Then my loving husband said, "Hon, it's a wonder you ever started varsity for anything in high school. You threw that like you've never thrown anything in your life."

He sometimes forgets that I'm a rockstar.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The last few days...

Ainsley went to the dentist this morning and it was very uneventful except for THIS....

THOSE ARE HER GROWN-UP TEETH PEOPLE. That's right. Those two squares under her sweet tiny baby teeth are her permanent teeth coming in. I think i'm going to be sick. I'm sure it will take them a few years to make their presence known, but something about seeing them there makes me a little bit sad that my baby is growing up. It's like the first domino is about to tip which will start a chain reaction of hormones, makeup, driver's license, boyfriends...ughh. I'm starting to think maybe i should have titled this post "Over reaction much?"

In other news, my laundry baskets are finally getting used...

Hope everyone is doing well! I've got to go record lost and survivor! Love ya'll, Aud

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Conversations with Ainsley

Aaron and Ainsley are on their way home from church. Ainsley decides she has to tinkle and can not make it home. Aaron pulls into a gas station where they both go to the bathroom. The following conversation ensues...

Ainsley: "What's that thing?"

Aaron: "What thing?" (Really hoping to avoid this conversation)

Ainsley: "That thing your fingers are touching."

Aaron: "I'll tell you when we get in the car." (Maybe she'll forget about it by then)

They finish their business get back in the car and start driving...

Ainsley: "Tell me."

Aaron: "Tell you what?"

Ainsley: "Tell me about that thing."

Aaron laughs uncontrollably

Aaron: "That is called a penis and it's what God gave boys to get their tinkle out."

Ainsley: "Is that where your poop comes out too?"

Aaron: "Oh heavens no. Everybody has a bottom which is what poop comes out of. Boys have a penis that they tinkle out of and girls have a vagina that they tinkle out of." (That's making those professors proud.)

A few moments of silence...

Ainsley: "I think I'm tired."

Aaron: "Me too."

This conversation happened today in the van. Ainsley and Abbey know about Jesus dying on the cross and have a big concern with the soldiers who put him up there. Also, a police officer visited Ainsley's preschool today and gave a safety talk. I think this conversation was the product of those two things...

Ainsley: "Do soldiers put some kids parents in jail?"

Aaron: "Yes, sometimes. But only the parents who don't follow the rules."

Ainsley: "Do some kids have to stay with their granna and grampas or grammi and papas when their parents go to jail?"

Audrey: "Yes, but your mommy and daddy aren't going to go to jail. We don't break the laws. There are some--"

Aisnely: "Mommy you do break the rules sometimes."

Audrey: "Well, yes mommy is not perfect, but people go to jail for killing--"

Ainsley: "Now daddy's are perfect..................................... but you are a really good driver."

Audrey: "Well, thank you--"

Ainsley: "And if you see a stranger you aren't supposed to talk to them or take their candy."

Aaron and Audrey: "Yes, that's exactly right"

Aisnley: "But in Sleeping Beauty, Aurora talks to the prince and he's a stranger."

Audrey: "Well, sleeping beauty is not a real story. It's pretend."

Ainsley: "Are we real?"

Aaron and Audrey: "Yes"

Abbey: "Is this van real?"

Aaron: "This is all too real."

At this point they decided to sing to the song that was playing.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Oh no she didn't...

After a lot of self reflection i have decided to post this story. A couple of days ago i was reminded of why i named this blog Goodbye Dignity, Hello Motherhood. I have done a whole lot of things i never thought i would since i had kids. For instance...i honestly cannot recall the last time i went to the bathroom by myself, i have had to answer questions about boobies and bottoms in front of perfect strangers, and then of course there is childbirth and everything that goes along with it. I know some people think "it is just so beautiful" and "such a miracle" and yes it is amazing. But you are talking to the girl who did not eat for two days before scheduled inductions in hopes of avoiding a bm in front of my dr. during labor. That is committment to preserving some dignity people.

When this happened I thought to myself, "oh my gosh, i am sooo glad no one is here to see this". But then i decided if any story deserves to be on this blog it is this one. And besides, the only people who read this are 1)family and they have to love me anyway and 2)other moms who feel my pain :).

Tuesday afternoon, i had loaded the girls in the car to go visit grammi and papa in Durant. The trip went really well until we entered Savanna. It started with abbey who as you know is potty training. We are still having poop problems so she hadn't been in a while. As we cruise into Savanna she says "I'm gonna be si-ick". I'm thinking she's probably not but i'm going to stop and put the trash can next to her just in case. So i pull in to this HUGE SCARY truck stop that i'm quite certain is full of escaped convicts from Stringtown and "ladies of the night" (ya'll know the one)and hop out to help abbey. By this time she had decided she's not sick but "poopy" and would like a new diaper. She is not poopy but i go ahead and change her on top of the extra seat in the van.

About this time ainsley tells me that her carseat is uncomfortable. So I offer to put her blanket behind her. She says no. Fine, no skin off my back. I get everyone settled again and pull back on the highway. Then Ainsley decides that she DOES want me to put the blanket behind her back. I say no. She starts crying. The crying quickly escalates to a flat out fit. I am undeterred. Call me cold hearted, call me whatever but most of the time tantrums don't do anything but make me more determined to win. Then she decides she needs to go to the bathroom and she cannot wait. All of this happened in a very short time period so we haven't gone far at all and are still in savanna.

I come to the last gas station in savanna pull in the parking lot. Now, normally i travel with a "car potty" to avoid having to go into gas station bathrooms because ewwwww. But of course today i couldn't find it. So after digging through the suitcases for shoes for abbey and ainsley we all get out of the car and i herd everyone into the gas station. Keep in mind that for this next chain of events I am hold alivia the entire time because i didn't have shoes for her and no way was i putting her down in the gas station bathroom. So we make our way into the bathroom and i help ains onto the potty. While she is doing her business she asks if we can get a treat. I say sure cause i'm cool like that. Then abbey says she needs to go. She has on a diaper which is going to complicate things as far as getting it back on while she stands up while I hold another child. Enter my brilliant idea: I'll just throw the diaper away and put another one on her when we get back out to the car. So that is exactly what i do.

Everyone finishes their business and i herd them out to pick out a treat. We had just made it to the candy aisle when abbey announces that her "tummy is hurtin'" and that she needs to go poop. I'm slightly close to panicking because she doesn't have on a diaper and she has on a dress. So there is huge potential for a pof right here in the gas station. BUT, i think, if she poops in the potty we should be fine. So, I herd everyone back to the bathroom. She sits on the potty,does nothing, GRABS AHOLD OF THE GAS STATION TOILET SEAT WITH HER BARE HANDS(heaven help me),says she is done, gets off, and then immediately says her tummy hurts.

We have yet to pick out a treat and pay for it.

I consider my options:
1)Make a run for the car and skip the treat which would mean not doing something i said i would do and i really hate to do that to the girls.
2)Herd everyone out to the car, try to keep my children from going onto the highway that is very close while i put a diaper on abbey, then go back in for the stinking treat
3)Hmmm, there is that very gently used diaper in the bathroom trash

So i do what any self respecting mom would do. I cracked open the lid of the trash can with one finger to see if i could tell exactly what the diaper was touching. As far as i could tell it was laying on paper towels that people had used to dry their hands on. (please Lord let it be) So I reached in up to my elbow and pulled out that diaper and then i performed a diapering feat that i think has yet to be matched. I rediapered abbey while she stood up with one hand while i held alivia. I rock. Except for that part where i went dumpster diving.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Mrs. Comer would have been proud of this "Enthuuuuuuuuusiasm"!

Let me just start by saying that i can't imagine that i will post more than once in a day often. The material was just handed to me on a silver platter this afternoon and I couln't resist another one. I mean ya'll have got to see this.

She's bringing out the big guns...

Last Friday night our family had plans to go over to the Brookmans for dinner. We had talked about it with the girls and they were REALLY looking forward to it. Ainsley was probably the most excited but she had been acting really crabby all day. So finally about 30 minutes before we need to leave I decided maybe she didn't feel good. I take her temp no less than 10 times and twice i get 99.2. I relay this to aaron and he proceeds to take her temp another ten times and gets "normal" every time. Then we change the batteries and i take it 3 or 4 more times and get 99.4 once. All this time aaron and I are discussing what we should do. Maybe he should go and take the little girls and I will stay home with ains...maybe she doesn't have a fever and she'll be fine...maybe we should give her get the idea. About this time she comes up to us like this...
and says..."Now this Bible is tellin' you that I can go! Do you understand me?"

Now, first of all, we love God and his word in our home and we talk about him alot, but we do not beat our children over the head with it. I mean seriously, can't you just see it? Me chasing Abbey around the house with my bible yelling "Abbey, this Bible is telling you DON'T poop on the floor!" I honestly have no idea where she gets this.

And secondly, this is not the first incident of Ainsley using the bible to make sure somebody got the message. The good new is I happened to catch that one on video. Just a little info on the video...last summer ainsley decided she would lead us all in a "bible study". She is wearing one of my nighty things and Abbey informed us at some point that she was standing in that spot because she was "dying on the cross". It's a little chaotic but i think you'll get the idea...what happens at 30 seconds is just about identical to what happened friday night.

So there you have it. Apparently our sweet Ainsley is feelin' the spirit. :) Oh, and it turns out the bible was right because she did get to go. :)

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Tuesday morning I woke up and decided I had changed Abbey's dirty diapers for the last time. I announced that today she would tinkle and poop in the potty. Keep in mind I have been avoiding this like the plague because of our first run in with potty training. Oh my Lord, we potty trained ainsley for at least 6 years. (as i am typing this i can hear abbey saying from her bed "i need to go tinkle in the potty mom"). I started way to early with ains so i thought i had learned from my mistake and when i eventually started abbey she would have it down in a few days.

Back to plan seemed to be working like a charm. She would tell me when she needed to go and then take care of business, number 1 that is. Around noon i was slightly concerned because she hadn't pooped. Normally, Abbey is extremely prompt with her bms...first thing after breakfast every morning she produces. I'm pondering all this but not to concerned because considering how well she's doing with number 1 i figure number 2 will eventually become convincing enough that she will sit on the potty and do the deed. In fact, i'm comfortable enough with her performance so far that instead of being on her like white on rice, i decide to sit down and check my facebook while she wonders around the house commando.

As a side note here, i have decided that anything i need to know about anything can be found out through status updates on facebook. So I have officially declared it my primary news source bumping People magazine to a close second.

Anywho...back to abbey who is wondering aimlessly with no clothes. Now, what i am about to tell you is not for the faint of heart so consider yourself warned. Abbey has ambled into the kitchen and gotten really quiet. Just as the sounds of silence alert me that something is amiss Abbey cries "mommy, something is on the flo-or!" Lo and behold there on the kitchen floor is the poop i have been eagerly awaiting all morning. Abbey then informs me that she is not done yet. So i scoop her up and plant her booty on the potty. I turn to take care of the mess and people, it was gone..........

That's right ya'll...he swallowed it whole and then licked the floor clean. G-ross. I think he learned his lesson. The next night his stomach was making such weird noises that when he would hear it, he would jump up and start barking like it was coming from some other source. By the way, this is our lab, Reverend, and until about 5 days ago i thought he was precious in every way.

Unfortunately, that was only the first of many pof's (poop on floor). And before you tell me to put panties on the girl to avoid pof's, I have tried it and I've decided i would way rather clean a pof than try to salvage a pair of panties. "Just throw them away!" you say. Brothers and Sisters I am a card carrying member of "I'd rather toss is than clean it". However, it is possible that i have been to lazy to get Abbey her own undies and she might have been wearing Ainsley's. So i decided at some point Ains could become an innocent bystander and until i can make a trip to walmart for some backup undies, I (and by "I" i mean aaron) will be cleaning up pof.

And so this blog goes out to that little blue book i bought at barnes and noble some 2 years ago that promised me i could potty train in a day.

P.S. Yes mom, i did clean the kitchen floor anyway. :)

Friday, March 13, 2009

This is a test...

*UPDATE* I think it's working :)

*UPDATE* The video is only letting me watch about 4 seconds at a time. Lame. I'm going to keep working on it.

Today I am going to see if i have the skills required to post a video. I chose this video because it manages to showcase all three of the girls.

Things to watch for (if it works):

1)Ainsley casting spells with her new magic wand. Apparently spell casting requires a heavy hand. I think if you listen closely you will hear that she is turning everyone into a mermaid.

2) Abbey does two things of you will find very reminiscent of yours truly on a christmas morning not so long ago. The other thing Ainsley and Abbey do is anytime they find a piece of string they swing it around and yell "in the name of the hundred acre woods, I capture you!"

3) Alivia doesn't do much except try to walk around in the pjs that are about 5 sizes too big. Steph, I can't believe i'm giving you fuel for your "the baby of the family is so mistreated" fire :).

oh, i almost forgot (i've had plenty of time to think because it is taking this video FOREVER to upload) but Ainsley says thank you without any prompting! Apparently it is not a waste of my breath to remind them CONSTANTLY. Anyway, i thought i should point that out since being gracious is way more important to me than the funny things they do! :)

Love ya'll, Aud

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Well, I guess it's about time i tried my hand at blogging. Not because i have anything particularly inspiring to say but mostly because i need to remember things. I've seen a lot of people use these as "baby books" and I thought it would be a great way to remember all those things aaron and i will need to recall one day when my girls have their boyfriends over. For instance (in front of said boyfriend) Hey hon, remember that time when abbey pretended like she had been in a car wreck and used a pantyliner as her bandaid? She is just soooo precious. Oh and look! Here's a picture!
Yes, I can see this coming in very handy. My wonderful sister Beth set this up for me because i think she knows how technologically challenged i am. She did a fabulous job but i had to change the name because she was just too dang nice. I feel that the new title allows for oh say, maybe a story about that time in the walmart checkout line when ainsley was suddenly all about touching my boobs and talking about the milk that came out of them...mind you she was not using her inside voice. Anyway, i really appreciate beth taking the time to do this for me. She's the best.

And now i feel it is appropriate to introduce you to my family...i'm not sure why because i can't imagine that anyone besides family will read this but it just feels right so here goes...
This is my husband Aaron...he loves to read and this is about 5 minutes after he got his Kindell in the mail (i don't even know how to spell that, sorry hon). He was a little bit excited. I love him, he is perfect for me and he puts up with a whole lot of crazy from me.

This is our oldest, Ainsley. She is in a major princess phase and if she knew what i was up to here she would probably demand the caption under this read "Ariel and her Seashells".

And making her second appearance is our middle child Abbey. She is also caught up in the princess craze but is not nearly as "prim" as her older sister...and that is so endearing.
And last but certainly not least is "the baby" Alivia. She is sooooo easy going which is fortunate because she is often an innocent victim of "pretend". Here she is "pretending" to be Baby Jesus.

That's about it! Hope to see the fam here often!