Today I was reminded of a "not so great parenting moment". Aaron and I had lunch with some friends today (That's sounds really glamorous doesn't it? Well, don't let me fool you. We ate lunch in the mall food court and then we let abbey ride on the ninja turtle truck that apparently hasn't seen a cleaning product since 1961.) and we were talking about our girls experience with going to the dentist because abbey had a dentist appointment today. This "not so great parenting moment" came up during the conversation and I realized i had blocked this out of my mind until I was able to laugh at it. I mean, I actually blogged about Ainsley's last visit to the dentist and called it "uneventful". People, it was anything but.

It all started a few weeks after ainsley went to preschool. Things had been going great and then all of the sudden my sweet, compliant, first born angel...

started talking back. I don't mean a little back talk here and there. Picture red eyes, fangs, claws...you get the idea. I would ask her to do something and she would say, "NOOO! I WON'T!!!" or something like that. It was bad enough that I called her teacher and asked if anyone in her class might have taught her to speak like that. Her teacher ,Mrs. K, said no, she had not noticed anyone else doing this at preschool. Not even Ainsley. How special. She saved it just for us.

We try the regular consequences for a few days to no avail. So I talk to Mrs. K who happens to be a good friend and someone i absolutely and completely trust in all things dealing with children. She has two precious daughters, she is a great mom. So I ask her for some advice and, among other things, she mentions washing her mouth out with soap. Now before you go all child protective services on me, let me remind you of all those car trips with no seat belts, whatever that nasty stuff was you put on my thumb to make me stop sucking it, and of course, that night i spent in the garage. By myself. In the dark. Desperate times, people.

So we decide to try washing her mouth out with soap because nothing else is working and this behavior is not ok. We have got to send a message here. FYI: it is easier than ever to wash out a kids mouth with soap. We have that soap that foams up when you pump it out so we just pump it right onto her toothbrush and then "wash" her tongue.

She hated it. No, really. I've never seen her react so violently towards something. It was not pretty.

We tried this method for a few weeks and then decided that maybe it wasn't working and we absolutley felt yucky after a round of Ainsley vs. Mom/Dad/soapcovered toothbrush.

Fast forward a few months. "Washing the mouth out with soap" has been deemed a failure and we no longer speak of it. It's been long enough that I actually forgot that we had done it.

Fast forward to Ainsley's dentist appointment. Everything is going great...the teeth are getting cleaned, x-rays are being taken, tears are not being cried, and then the time comes for flouride. I don't know when the last time you took a kid to the dentist was, but in my day, we had to swish this nasty stuff and then we were told not to swallow it or you would die. FYI: it's easier than ever to give a child a flouride treatment. They just squirt this white foam onto a toothbrush and then brush their teeth with it. Are these people for real?! Where is the death drink?!

The dentist starts coming at ainsley with the foam covered toothbrush and ainsley says in a terrified voice, "I don't want you to wash my mouth out with soap." Our sweet, innocent, dentist who I'm sure has never harmed a creature on God's green earth gives me a bewildered look while reassuring ainsley that these are "happy bubbles".

I looked right back at the dentist and said "I have no idea what she is talking about".

I'm gonna go ahead and assume that lying and throwing my sweet child under the bus in the same breath probably took me out of the running for mom of the year.